She shut her laptop, closed her eyelids, holding her head in her hands. She had finally said the truth, giving an explanation of why she broke up. And as she expected, it changed everything. How can few words change a whole situation ? One minute he hates her because of the split, the next one he’s running to her. What the… ?

She left the kitchen counter where she has been sitting for an hour and joined the living-room. She crushed on the couch and took her guitar. Wifi, her aussie shepherd, was watching her. In a sweet way, Mary talked to her, as usual : « Donovan’s coming, darling. I told him the whole thing and… well, now he’s running home ». The dog instantly run to the front door and waited. Mary smiled and started to play. She made an E, then an A, and after few minutes playing musical notes, the realized she was playing Moonlight Sonata from Beethoven. So she stopped. Because it was « the » song. She laid down her guitar and dry a tear escaped from one eye. A second one came on her cheek, followed by some others. She lay on the couch, her head on a cushion. Then she tried to relax, in vain. It’s only when she heard the sound of the handle that she stood up. Her eyes were probably a bit pinky, but she wouldn’t care. She walked to welcome him and they met halfway.

He had this glance she loves. The one saying « Don’t worry, it’ll be alright ». She put her hands into her jeans pockets and tried to smile. But without realizing it, she winced and dropped a tear. She turned back and dry her cheek. « You shouldn’t have come », she whispered. « I can’t… I can’t stand your face. I can’t. I can’t stand your glance. I won’t ».

All her memories suddenly came back to her. The day they’ve met for the first time, their first kiss, the night in the park where he declared his love to her, their first fight, theirs texts, their private musical sessions, the night they shared a pillow-fight, the day he taught her French, the day they fell apart… Everything with every single detail.

She was able to tell anybody what they were wearing this day, the day they broke up. She could also tell if it was sunny, raining, or cloudy ; if she was cold ; how she felt at the moment she said « It’s over ». Because she honestly didn’t move on yet. Her mind was clear, but her heart was so confused she couldn’t think if she had made the best or the worst decision by ending their relationship.

She was sure he would be better without her, but she knew she would miss him. And soon she would leave, and it would be the true end. That’s the reason she thought he would be great for him to move on, and to hold on somebody nice, sweet, and beautiful. Because he deserves so.

It was quiet in the living room. Soon, she felt his hands on her shoulders and she shivered before she burst into tears, unable to control herself no more.

As he came to hug her, she didn't step away. She let him come closer and hold her strongly in a sweet way. She felt relaxed, at the moment. Even more than that… She felt safe. And she didn’t have that feeling since a long time. Her arms surrounded Donovan on his back ; he kissed her forehead and she laid her head on his chest for a minute.

During this time, she wondered what would be convenient to do then. Sit for a while and talk ? Hum. She wasn’t really found of speaking about the disease; especially when there was not much to say. But what else could they possibly do ? So she stepped back a little bit and dried her cheeks. She took a deep breath and she looked at him. He could see the pain and how much she seemed lost, but she turned her face so he wouldn’t speak about how ugly this situation made her. He began to touch her hair and she closed her eyes. But she held his hands and moved them away :

« Don’t. Don’t do that and… And then tell me it’s gonna be alright when you don’t know that. You’ll have to let me go some day and you’d better make up your mind from now ».

She laid her head up. She was still holding his hands ; she wouldn’t break the link. She looked at him as it was the first time she was seeing him.

She thought about losing her hand on his hair ; about stroking his cheeks ; about holding his neck ; about kissing his lips. She remembered how soft, how tasty he would be. For a second, she thought about testing her memory and kiss him, so she would tell if it was as before or if something had changed. Her face came closer to his, their lips weren’t far away anymore… But she opened her eyes and walked away. Her head on her hands, she spoke to him

« You should go. It’s too hard to be in this room with you, especially when you know this thing about me. Gosh I knew I shouldn’t have told you ». She went back to him and took his hands. « Honey, you have to live your life and not focus on how mine his gonna end. I broke up so you wouldn’t have to share this disease with me daily, so you can think about your future, so don’t… Don’t… Just… Just go ».

She laid down his hands and went to the kitchen. He followed her, as usually when they were arguing. She needed to keep herself busy so she wouldn’t run on him and do what she really wanted to do. In the kitchen, she started by closing the curtains. As she turned back she saw him looking at her and she finally spitted out her main fear :

« I don’t want you to focus on finding a way to rescue me, on finding a cure, ‘cause it’s a waste of time. This is my last shot. The doctor told me I don’t have much time left, and there are many things I wish I would do, but I know I won’t. Such things as… Sharing my music and being known because of it ; Travelling, I would have loved you to take me to France so I would discover your country, an amazing one ; I would have liked to get married but I won’t and it’s killing me. I won’t have babies either and I would never know how it is to raise kids ». She took a deep breath and kept on. « I take it as a revenge. A revenge from death on me. I escaped from her when I was 7. She won’t spare me. So I got this fukin' disease and unfortunately I have no choice but to wait for her to come and pick me. But I need you to realize you won’t save me. It’s nothing like when you tried to stop the drugs. You had a chance, I won’t. That’s it ».

DONOVAN : « You have no right to tell me what to do Faith, and you know I don’t like it ! I’m not going anywhere tonight, and all the coming days neither. I’mma be with you Faith, I told you this earlier and I ain’t gonna change my mind about that. »

She stared at him in silence. On this point, they were exactly the same : they hated being told what to do. Mary knew he wouldn’t like it, but still, it was his best option, living away from her. At least, that’s what she was thinking, even if she would have liked being wrong.


FAITH : « I knew you would say that, but it was worth asking. We never know, right ? »

As she was trying to get busy (in order to control herself and not to listen what her feeling dictated her what to do), she made a long and boring speech about her fears and other stuff. And he laughed at her. She lay down her head, knowing he wouldn't understand why she was speaking this way. Just like the others, Eliàs and Iason actually, Donovan couldn’t understand her theory about death. As he responded, she was quietly biting her cheeks from the inside, making some sort of funny faces, so she wouldn’t interrupt him. But when he said “It’s not because you’re going to die sooner or later that you have to stop living”, she frowned and she folded her arms, waiting for him to finish his speech. She could feel how much he was upset and she didn’t get why.


FAITH : « It might be lame, but I’m not asking anybody to share my point of view. Besides, who says that I stopped living ? Huh ? As far as I know, I still go to college, I miss pretty much none of my lessons, I still work at the bar some the nights, I hang out with the girls… So don’t tell me I stopped living ‘cause all I do is living !! »

She nodded and went behind the counter, leaning on it.


FAITH : « I’m not giving up. Or at least I don’t feel it this way. I just made up my mind : soon or the latest, I’ll be gone. Nobody can change that, and even if it sucks, it’s just life. But I don’t want to waste my time commuting from home to the hospital. Don’t you find it “normal” to want to live, without having a look on the future, just living the moment and being yourself ? »

Wifi barked at the front door and Mary took this call as an opportunity to leave the room and escape from Donovan’s glance. She opened the door and Wifi left the house. Mary crossed the living-room to join the kitchen but her guest was walking out from the room, his hands in his pockets. Her own ones were clammy and a bit shaking as she became more and more nervous.


FAITH : « To be honest, I never wanted to lie to you, and actually, I never did. When we first met, the cancer was gone, I thought I was free and I could finally live something great. And it was. You made me so happy you can't even realize how much. I had the nicest year of my entire life, and we shared something special. ‘till I get sick again. I just didn’t want to put you through this. After what you had been through, I didn't think it was fair from me to impose you this. And despite what you might think, I did it because I care about you and all I want is you being happy. But if someday you had had any doubts, I would have told you everything, just like I did tonight, just like I’m doing it now. »

She sat on the bench at the piano. Her fingers was playing with musical notes but she stopped and told Donovan :


FAITH : « Okay, you know what ? Ask me everything you wanna know. Anything. I never lied, I won’t start tonight. And as you don’t wanna leave… let’s talk. »